jayjayp

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! - Author object (362)

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. - Author object (362)

To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition. - Author object (362)

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. - Author object (362)

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. - Author object (362)

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. - Author object (362)

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Author object (362)

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with. - Author object (362)

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. - Author object (362)

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. - Author object (362)

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable. - Author object (362)

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel. - Author object (362)

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Author object (362)

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. - Author object (362)

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. - Author object (362)

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. - Author object (362)

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. - Author object (362)

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. - Author object (362)

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. - Author object (362)

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Author object (362)